Home

Moving to Winnipeg, for a number of reasons, has been something unlike I've ever experienced before. I guess it's part and parcel of the growing up process. One common notion of growing up is to be tough or strong. Thus far, I've resisted showing any emotion to what I have now come to realize, cherish, and miss as home. My eight month stint in Europe and India was definitely a test run for leaving home for so long; I've only been away from home, New York, familiarity for two or three month stretches to Andhra until that point.

New York, of course, is home. I think a few precise things, especially recent events, have been instrumental in congealing this sentiment of home to me. Of course, I was born in the Bronx and raised in Queens and Long Island. For as long as I can remember, New York has been a default for me. And default doesn't really have a designation: as home, foreign, or anything. I suppose that's why I didn't really experience this sentiment of home until very recently.

I have been going to Andhra since I was little, but even then, a longing for home really wasn't present in my consciousness. I do remember one time after coming back from Andhra that I particularly savored the New York City tap water, but such moments were far and few in between. A family friend from Madras reminded me a few years ago how much I staked claim to my American-ness when I visited in 1997. This incident, unlike the water one, didn't leave such a lasting impression. In fact, I forgot about it only until I was reminded of it.

Andhra, I've come to realize, is not some far away distant land that is half way across the earth. I'm sure others have written about this, but Euclidean distance ceases to matter much when we start talking about places (as opposed to spaces). Of course, it has the material effect of creating a 24 hour flight journey to actually get to Andhra from New York, but other than that, I don't think of Andhra as being some 10,000 odd miles away. New York is home. Andhra is where I go regularly. I've been to Andhra, specifically Hyderabad, Visakhapatnam, Bobbili, Saluru, and Bangaramma Peta, more times than Washington D.C. or Boston. To me, Andhra is definitely a place that is not home, but it is also a place that is not foreign.

I think it was going to study in London that really did the trick for me. Maybe I experienced homesickness then because I knew in my mind that I was going to be away from home so long. It was an up and down sort of thing. I missed New York at first, didn't miss it later, missed it again. I was experiencing new things, so the distractions were welcome. And even though London is a lot like New York, I suppose I missed the people the most - my friends and my family (chosen and blood). Seeing my nuclear, New York family for my sister's wedding at the mid-point of the stint was definitely very helpful. Coming to India, I was familiar turf but I soon realized that I was away from home. By the end of it, I missed New York style pizza and bagels a lot, among other things. (Thankfully my internship in the coming year provided me with a lot of both!)

Going to college in New York and studying what I studied in college definitely factored into New York becoming home for me. Not only did I spend the quintessential formative years in New York, I was also able to study the city and experience it in as much entirety as possible. I grew to have some ownership and attachment over New York. I had, have a stake in it like I've never before. In the physical sense, I think mobility really helped me: I took the subway and buses everywhere and drove all over the tri-state area. Covering that ground had a very real, tangible effect on my sense of home. Perhaps every mile I traveled and every moment I experienced, I poured a little bit of myself into the city.

This is also the period of time when I became much closer to my mother. We began to connect on a higher level, in my opinion, going beyond the simple/traditional mother-son relationship. Along with this friendship, I developed many other deep friendships that took place in the context of the city. The very place of the development of my friendships, I now realize, is extremely important. It's not only the positive feelings in the physical spaces, but it's also the multi-layed, nodal experiences of these social interactions in that place - New York - that helped congeal home for me.

I'm sure there's more, but this is getting too long, even for me. Now, in Winnipeg, I find myself selecting the U.S. option in the Google News section and checking the New York City tab on the New York Times website. After doing it so many times, I paused and reflected on why I was doing this. I think I finally understood why my father would always check the Eenadu website at home. I realized that I am recreating the same action almost everyday. I realized this is the daily practice, ritual consecrating my sense of home.

To that end, I am finally able to cope with and accept that I miss New York. Of course I do - who wouldn't miss home?

FAQs about me

Frequently Asked Questions about Lakshman

What are you doing with your life?

I just graduated college with a Bachelors of Arts in June. I will start my Masters of Arts program in September. I have been interning fulltime over the summer at a nonprofit law firm.

What was your college degree in?

I was in an interdisciplinary program in college – meaning I created my own course of study. My two areas of concentration were South Asian Studies and Urban Planning. These resulted in a Bachelors of Arts degree. I had other specializations throughout college like food justice studies and Geographic Information Science (GIS).

That doesn’t sound very useful. Tell me that you’re at least going to do something worthwhile for your Masters.

I'm getting a Master's in Sociocultural Anthropology. The project I will work on specifically is ‘Revitalizing Millet Production in South Asia’.

Where are you doing this Masters program? What is this project about?

The program is at the University of Manitoba. This means I am moving to Winnipeg, Canada in the coming days. The project will look examine ways to increase production and consumption of small millets such as finger millet, pearl millet, ragi, sorghum, and other varieties of millet (whichever are grown in our research sites). We will specifically focus on the sociological conditions of production, actual production techniques, documenting indigenous agricultural knowledges, policy measures to support millet consumption in the markets and Public Distribution System (PDS), and more.

Why this one in particular? What will it help you accomplish?

This is the only graduate program I applied to. I have a number of good reasons to apply this one in particular:

1.      I am actively seeking to take my food justice work from New York City back to my ‘roots’ in India – specifically in the Northern Coastal Andhra region, where my family has farming roots. This project is a good launching pad for me.

2.      The project has two research sites two to three hours away from my parents’ native towns, Salur & Bobbili. The research sites are Dumbriguda in Araku Valley (in Andhra Pradesh) and other villages in the Koraput District (in Orissa).

3.      I would be hard-pressed to find a program or research project that is conducting food sovereignty research in the same geographical area that I am interested in. And if I didn’t, creating a brand new project in another university under another professor would require more work, whereas this is practically set up for me.

4.      This is a coursework and research combined program – which gives me the best of both worlds of learning. The research part of it will allow me to go to India for four months.

5.      This project is a large research grant funded by the International Development Research Council (IDRC) of Canada (think USAID [USA] or DFID [UK] equivalent in Canada).

6.      I’m actively seek to live outside of America, and while Canada isn’t that different from the United States, it’s a step in the right direction.

7.      The University of Manitoba is a public university and studying there will continue my commitment to public education institutions (to whatever extent that I have a commitment to any educational institution).

8.      Last but not least – and this is a very good reason – this is a funded Masters program. This means they will give me money to do my Masters.

Like I mentioned in the first point, this program will help me launch into working in India. A brief synopsis of my professional and activist interests: I began getting involved in movements to create healthier, fair food sources to New Yorkers. As a native New Yorker, I am very passionate about justice in my city. Soon, I realized that one of the best and most inevitable ways to continue my work of creating a healthier, fairer food system is growing food itself. This is not only to feed me but feed those around me. This process will also teach me the basics of survival: you need food to survive; it’s a basic necessity. (Had I known in high school that a Bachelors in Agriculture was possible and the importance of it, I may have studied this instead. Growing up in one of the largest metropolitan regions in the world, I did not have this exposure.) Instead of working on farms in upstate New York and in America – where I have no connection to land and agriculture – I decided in my final semesters of college to shift my focus to Andhra Pradesh, where I do have agricultural roots and familial history and ties to land. As such, this Masters program came at the perfect time for me to learn about agriculture and test the waters a little bit.

What are sort of career or profession are you thinking of?

As for a profession, I’m not really sure yet. These sorts of interests don’t have a cut and clear path of what comes next or even how to name it. I would generally like to hope that anything I do in the future has some sort of justice-oriented slant to it. I would like to work in India for a few years. The paths are many from here: I can go on to be a professor, I can work for NGOs, I can be a farmer, I can start a workers’ co-operative – anything. We’ll see what the future holds.

Why didn’t you apply to other universities? Why can’t you do this in America?

1.      I didn’t apply to other American universities because I didn’t take the GREs (the graduate school entrance exams). I didn’t take these because I'm too cheap, I didn't prepare for them, and I really hate and am losing faith in standardized testing.

2.      Unless I entered a Ph.D. program, it would be very difficult for me to find funding to continue my studies. I am not prepared academically nor mentally to do a five to seven year Ph.D. program.

3.      If I don’t get funding, I will have to take out loans to finance my higher education. This is firmly against my current financial ideals: I don’t like to spend money I don’t have on hand at the moment. For this reason, I would not be able to do a Master’s program in America.

How did you find out about this program?
The internet. I'm on way too many listservs/mailing lists to count and thus far, it's proved useful. There was an ad on this jobs listserv that called for Masters students for Food Security in South Asia research. It was perfect for me! I found out about a lot of the different opportunities that strongly impacted my life just by surfing the net and getting various emails in my inbox. For those who have access to the internet - especially on their smart phones - there is no reason to be in the dark about opportunities.

So what will the Masters program be like?

I will take three semesters of classes this Fall (September to December), Winter (January to April), and next Fall. I will go out into the field in late December of 2013. I will come back to Winnipeg in 2014 to write my thesis. If all goes well, I should graduate in October 2014 or February 2015.

Where is Winnipeg? Is it a big city? Is it very cold? Have you ever visited?

Winnipeg is nearly at the geographic center of the entire North American continent. It's right by North Dakota and Minnesota. It’s a mid-sized city (though all cities seem small compared to New York) with a population of about 700,000. It’s supposed to be the coldest city in the world with a population of more than 600,000. We’ll see how cold it will get when I get there; I've never visited. I think it’s a little ironic that I’m going to such a cold place first in an attempt to transition to Andhra.

Are you excited about the move?
To be honest, I'm excited the move but not about more school. I'm always up for going to new places and experiencing new things and so in that regard, this next step is perfect. Winnipeg is a mid-sized Midwest city - something I've never experienced before. I'm also in the process of immigrating, so that's a whole different experience in itself. But I'm definitely not looking forward to writing more papers and being a part of the university mill. My sentiments towards academia at this point most closely resemble this quote (from the book I'm reading now):

"If students are going to earn degrees, they've got to come up with dissertation topics. And since dissertations can be written about everything under the sun, the number of topics is infinite. Sheets of paper covered with words pile up in archives sadder than cemeteries, because no one ever visits them, not even on All Souls' Day. Culture is perishing in overproduction, in an avalanche of words, in the madness of quantity." (The Unbearable Lightness of Being, page 102)

Why don’t you have Facebook? It’s easier to keep in touch.

I had Facebook for a while. I couldn’t deal with everyone knowing every personal detail of my life all the time. Yes, I know, I can control privacy settings and place limits on my usage. But email is a more personal way of reaching out to people; I thought of everyone on this email list individually.

Why don't you call people? What happened to using your phone? How come you never pick up?
I'll be honest: I'm a product of my generation. I like texting better. But honestly, I'd rather avoid the phone entirely. Maybe it's a self-induced pressure, but I totally get phone anxiety. I'm a little better with email. Sometimes. I'm best in person.

When are you coming to visit?
That depends on where you are. Most of my base is either in New York City/tri-state area or in Visakhapatnam/Hyderabad. I'll be back in New York very briefly for Christmas this year. I'll be in Vizag area next year for research. Both trips will be tight due to time constraints.

Roots

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Where my mom is from